This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
