Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
