I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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