We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
