no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
