I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
