I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
