Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
