i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
