Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
