I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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