ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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