I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
