I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize