so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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