i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
