im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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