the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
