I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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