arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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