i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
