He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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