Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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