If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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