so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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