chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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