I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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