ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pooping to opera.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
