youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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