I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize