I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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