do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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