if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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