I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
