I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
