Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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