i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
