Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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