I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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