his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
