I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
