yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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