Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
