they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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