I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
