i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
