Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
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A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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