fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
