that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
