I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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