yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
