Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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