Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
