it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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