I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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