that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
