This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
