Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
