Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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