I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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