the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
