the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
