I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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