i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
