I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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