he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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