Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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