Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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