so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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