So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
